chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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