What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
