What did we do last night that was yellow?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
