You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
