Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
