We're like a lot better than the average bears
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
