You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
