I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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