hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
