you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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