my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
