You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize