Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
