I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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