god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
