hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
