Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
