I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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