Who wears a wallet chain?!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize