the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
