How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
