do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize