PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
