she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize