Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
