we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
