yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
