Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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