i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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