what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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