Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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