...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize