My first STD was from a foam party
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize