It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just gift wrapped bread.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize