Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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