So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
