If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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