Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
