OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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