I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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