Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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