My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
