we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
