According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize