9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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