Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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