Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
