I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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