Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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