i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
