i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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