I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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