I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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