she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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