Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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