I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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