If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
