Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
