You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
