Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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