drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
