When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
