i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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