We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
