Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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