the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize