i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
