...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The beer is more important than you right now.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
