I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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