Swine flu. Run for my life!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
