I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
