No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
