Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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